Viewing entries tagged
#sudcawareness

Comment

Caleb's new friend. The one and only...Adele!

“Hello, how are you?”

We can’t even believe what happened while we were in Las Vegas this weekend, however, there is video evidence that it was not in fact, “only just a dream.”

We chose a stretch of time our dear friends were also there honoring their brother. It was the first one to cruelly arrive without his physical presence and Vegas holds special significance.

To say emotions (and temperature) were running high is an understatement.

We must admit, we flew to Las Vegas to see Ed Sheeran and were devastated to be in our Uber about to be dropped off when police came screeching toward us announcing the show had been cancelled. If you know us, you know lady luck has an extensive history of not being on our side. I spent exactly one dollar gambling while we were there, however, we hit the lottery with the rest of the night.

Rewinding the tape a bit, I knew Adele was in town and I absolutely LOVE her! I had just played and sang her version of “To Make You Feel My Love” on my guitar the weekend before. I know she sang it for her friend Amy Winehouse, but I think of Caleb every time. Those of you who know me also know I come from a giant family and my spending habits sometimes still resemble those from the Great Depression. These same friends had seen Adele the night before and came back beaming. “It was amazing! She’s beautiful! It was worth every last cent.” The wheels were spinning faster than the tires of our Uber racing back to the strip. Maybe, just maybe, we could still go.

We sprinted across the bridge and arrived to Caesars Palace only to quickly realize tickets were going to be impossible. We refreshed our Ticketmaster app non-stop as it was the same one the staff at the counter were using as well. They told us we had a 1% chance but it felt more like zero. All of the guests to Adele’s ball had arrived and were posing excitedly in front of her picture. As the minutes ticked by, I had given up. This was just going to be another punch to the gut in the series of hard knocks. I’ve learned to pivot but my heel has more bruises and it’s getting harder to walk. This was our last night in Las Vegas and I didn’t want to leave like this. I just couldn’t.

Those of you new to the Foundation may not know this but we give away something that captivated many hours of Caleb’s attention while he was still here. He called them “vroom vrooms” (Hot Wheels) and he loved watching the wheels on these miniature metal machines turn as they rolled across the floor, table and even the most tolerant cat who thought he was a German Shepherd like his big sister. We give these to unsuspecting parents everywhere we go and I happened to have one such toy in my bag left. If I could share Caleb in another rotten moment, that’s what I was supposed to do. Before we turned to leave, I handed it to the sweet gentleman (you know who you are) that had given our friend ticket information the day before. I just told him to give it to the next little kid that came to the counter. I was too upset and just needed to go. I couldn’t spend that kind of money on myself even if a ticket came up anyway. Before we left, the kind soul behind the counter told us one ticket had just been released for purchase. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Adam never hesitated to let me be the one to go. He told me he would go explore “Paris” while I was in the show. Exactly 12 minutes before the queen took her place on the end of the piano bench, my ticket appeared on the screen of my phone. I certainly didn’t look like the rest of the audience with their perfectly styled hair and sparkling eyeshadow ready for the red carpet. However, despite the mascara and hairspray that had wilted down with my hopes, I was going to see Adele!

I couldn’t imagine what would happen during this show because I couldn’t even give myself permission to buy a ticket. Like my favorite comedian, Anjelah Johnson-Reyes’ book says “Who Do I Think I Am?”

Adele was everything. She was beautiful and hilarious just the way I’d seen her on TV. She gave us fair warning asking us “Are you ready to go on an emotional journey with me tonight? Cause I’m going to drag you through your emotional dirt. I’m going to break you. I’m going to make you laugh while you’re doing it.” Damn. I couldn’t have written a more accurate description.

Thank you, Adele for your empathy and compassion. It is something we will remember forever. I’m still in a state of shock and gratitude. After losing your only child, it is difficult to feel like a mother. In addition to giving me a huge hug, thank you from the bottom of my heart for dedicating “Rolling in the Deep” to “Caleb’s mummy.” I had to ask the woman sitting beside me if that’s what Adele really said. Adele, you may never truly know what it means to hear this or to receive that much genuine kindness and motherly outpouring of support. I am not someone who typically shows emotion in public but you were right. The emotional journey was overwhelming in the best kind of way. You also told us “I promise we are going to have a really fun, good, sad time.” Mission accomplished. Thank you.

The song says “but if by chance you’re here alone.” I WAS there by myself but I know I’m never truly ever alone. Caleb is larger than the life we live on this planet. I will continue taking him everywhere I go, both with his picture as well as his little red truck vroom vroom that was in my purse when we lost him. He is a forever piece of me and I of him. As my message to him at his service said he is “my gift, my light, my treasure.” I didn’t win any money this weekend but Adele herself got an introduction to the wisest human I’ve ever met. On the 9th and everything (https://thecalebeffect.org/kindness). Maybe luck has nothing to do with it after all.

“Can I have a moment, before I go?” Yes, yes, you can and you did, and I will never be the same. You gave Caleb a moment and so much more. “When We Were Young” we didn’t know of all the purest love with radiant blue eyes and an infectious smile. We didn’t know how happy he could make us just by jumping on our backs and pretending to fly across the living room. We didn’t know of this thing called SUDC (https://sudc.org) that still hasn’t been researched enough to provide a way to predict or prevent it’s horror. We could never imagine the pain of waking up to a world without our son’s physical presence.

Still, there is one thing that not even “that” day can steal. Caleb left the world more love than we probably deserve. He gave us a master class in connecting with people and loving them exactly as they are intended to be loved. Many have asked what I gave Adele. The card I gave her has his picture and says “Caleb smiled with his whole face & loved unconditionally with his whole heart. He never knew a stranger & gave love freely to everyone he met. Caleb is still making the world a better place. Embrace Caleb’s effect in your own life: Do something kind for someone else today. Say “I love you” & mean it. Forgive. Don’t wait #calebeffect

Borrowed from Heaven 2/9/14

Returned 5/2/16

The Caleb Effect

https://thecalebeffect.org

If you’ve made it to the end, I hope you feel Caleb’s love too.

(Sorry in advance for the camera angle! I was trying to keep a battery pack connected as well as see Adele through my own eyes instead of through my phone.)

Comment

Comment

Nice on the 9th with Project Winter Watch

"The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" as we've shared before is not always so wonderful for many. For those of us grieving, for friends and family fighting illness, loneliness and losses, and for our neighbors like "Old School" who are outside right now literally just trying to survive.

We can and will do better.

If you've been wondering what we are up to this month, it's true. COVID has changed the way we are able to host Nice on the 9th events but it won't be able to stop The Caleb Effect from being felt all the way to your core. While we won't have an event open to the public this month, we hope a little boy's love and life-saving supplies like this Coleman 0° sleeping bag will light a flame and warm your heart.

For more about January's recipient, Project Winter Watch keep reading. With your help, there's an abundance of inspiration still to come.

https://www.facebook.com/ProjectWinterWatch/photos/a.130173328442553/232415601551658/

#calebeffect

#niceonthe9th

IG: Project Winter Watch

Comment

Comment

Nice on the 9th for Wyatt's Wings

Wyatt’s Wings.JPG

Are you bored being at home? Have you been wanting to join us but aren't local? Are you local and look forward to each 9th? This is for YOU!! You are invited to join us virtually for Nice on the 9th for Wyatt's Wings on September 9th from 6-7 (or as long as you want to play)!

Wyatt's Wings is an organization providing assistance to parents of children with dwarfism, in need of long term Neonatal Intensive Care and those who are terminally ill. They also provide assistance with funeral services, something for which we wish no parent ever had the need.

Since COVID is still hanging around, we are going to get together virtually for a fun (TOTALLY FREE) game! 1st place wins $299, second $99 and third $49 (plus drawings for prizes such as a $100 Amazon gift card) so tell your friends and family! We will also have a Zoom call so everyone can see and hear each other from the safety of our computers (phones won't work with the game).

This is one of the few Nice on the 9th events that you must be 18 to play but we would still LOVE your handwritten notes or the piles of your kids' artwork that needs a new home (comment here to arrange a drop-off or mail-in delivery)

How do I join the night of free fun?
- If you don't already have it, you'll need to download the free PokerStars software from www.pokerstars.net (this will only work from a PC or Mac, so you won't be able to do this from your phone)
- Open the main poker lobby, then click on the Home Games tab
- Click the 'Join a Poker Club' button
- Enter my Club ID number: 3677094
- Enter my Invitation Code: #wyattswings

Or launch this URL: pokerstars://home-games/invite/3677094/wyattswings

That's it! Once we've approved your membership request, we'll be ready to start playing together!

—————

Split your screen and join the fun on the Zoom Meeting as well! https://gpsec.zoom.us/j/95545113986?pwd=WVFDVk4xaFlWVWMwU011ekFZVnNoZz09 Meeting ID: 955 4511 3986 Passcode: 658605 One tap mobile +13462487799,,95545113986# US (Houston) +12532158782,,95545113986# US (Tacoma) Dial by your location         +1 346 248 7799 US (Houston)         +1 253 215 8782 US (Tacoma)         +1 669 900 6833 US (San Jose)         +1 312 626 6799 US (Chicago)         +1 646 558 8656 US (New York)         +1 301 715 8592 US (Germantown) Meeting ID: 955 4511 3986 Find your local number: https://gpsec.zoom.us/u/adXo3SSJj3

—————

Once again, this is a completely free night but if you would like to make any donations, we will graciously split them with our friends at Wyatt's Wings.

Not familiar with Wyatt's Wings? They are an incredible organization. Check them out here: http://www.wyattswings.org/

Comment

Comment

Nice on the 9th for Schools

Nice on the 9th for Schools.jpg

Next month Caleb would be heading to his first day of first grade. We can't send him with a superhero backpack and fresh mohawk haircut but we CAN make sure his love radiates through the halls of schools near and far.

We have decided to make August 9th an annual school supplies drive! From 2-4pm we will be collecting supplies/monetary donations at the India Shriners (3601 NW 36th St, OKC) for Putnam City and Oklahoma City Public Schools (online and contactless options available).

This year it is even more critical to support our schools as COVID-19 has created devastating shortages while eliminating the option to share supplies.

As we do with every event, we will be including handwritten notes of encouragement. Write a few at home and mail them, drop them off or come make your own creation 6 feet apart.

*OKC Public Schools has a new way of purchasing supplies at wholesale prIces in order to maximize our impact and help as many children as possible. Their special rate allows your donation of $20 to purchase $60 worth of supplies! To help purchase supply kits in bulk donate to OKC Public Schools via this link or donate in person on the 9th! We will close our special link on the 10th and announce the total!
https://bit.ly/2ExOkmb

To support Putnam City Schools please bring Lysol spray (the goal is 2,000 cans which represents one can per teacher), reusable face masks or hand sanitizer. To make a donation directly, visit https://pcf4kids.org/.

We will also be drawing for four $50 gift cards to be gifted to public teachers (one winner for a pre-K-1st grade teacher, one 2nd-5th, one 6th-9th and one 10th-12th) for their classroom (no matter where they live)! To be entered they must like The Caleb Effect Facebook page and comment with the school and grade where they teach (and share for extra credit ;)!
*If you were a winner last year, please sit this one out but share this with your teacher friends.

Comment

Comment

🎶 Come Together Right Now On the 9th

The original event was going to be a super-fun basketball event so enjoy this pic of Caleb on his court (don't mind the food all over his shirt).

Much like your throwback MySpace status, the world we live in today can best be described as "it's complicated." As we've said before, actions speak louder than words and we want to do our part to be part of the solution.

This video says it best: https://youtu.be/Guf4TtSWVhE

How you can help:
We will have a tent and table set up at 1220 NE 33rd Street (the NE Recreation Center) on July 9th from 5-7pm to write notes of love to kids in the FACT (Family Awareness and Community Teamwork) Youth Leadership Academy. If you would like to support FACT by donating items items for a community basketball event the following will be graciously accepted:

(Items Needed For the Basketball Event)
-Single-serving chips, Gatorade and bottled water
-Hot dog condiments
-Plastic utensils
-Face masks
-Hand sanitizer
-Snow cone syrup
-Disposable water cups
-Individually wrapped straws
-Large industrial trash bags
-Disposable gloves
-NBA regulation basketballs
-Extension cords
-Water coolers (4)

(Items Needed for Giveaways/Prizes)
-Reusable water bottles
-School backpacks/drawstring bags
-Bicycles
-Mini-fridge (2)
-Nike Elite Socks (20)

*Opportunity for bulk donations for various giveaway items also available. Please contact us for more details.

Some history:
We met the officers and kids of FACT at our Nice on the 9th for Class Matters (Remember the gentlemen who told us how the computers we donated would help them in their pursuits of careers in math and technology?). We knew our conversations were not complete so our original intention was to be a part of their basketball tournament. COVID-19 is forcing an alternate scramble so plans are still rapidly changing. There will also be a community event on July 25th that we will be a part. More details to come.

More about FACT:
The Oklahoma City Police Department’s FACT Unit aims to build relationships with the community it serves by mentoring middle school & high school age children, connecting with their families, humanizing the badge and providing alternatives to truancy, gang violence and self-destructive behavior. Under the leadership of Lt. Wayland Cubit, FACT has served the OKC community since 2008.

IMG_1075.JPG
IMG_1074.JPG

Comment

Comment

A Light in the Dark-Shine to 9

IMG_1953.JPG

Sorry in advance this has more than a few simple words. You're spending time distancing yourself from all your regular activities now anyway so maybe you won't mind.
---------
Much like most people in the world right now we made plans that won't be fulfilled. We had so many hopes, dreams and visions of the future as a family when Caleb came along as well. In fact, this photo was taken at Caleb's first and only experience at Sesame Street Live. We had taken time off work, paid for a hotel room in Tulsa and waited to watch Caleb's face light up as he got to see Elmo (one of his favorites)! As you can see, he DID love it but that only lasted literally about 2 minutes.

He came. He saw. He wanted to leave. So despite all our plans, we did what was best and left.

Such is the case right now. Instead of an in-person get together, it is best that we abandon our original plans and focus on what is most important. Social distancing. Flattening the curve. Keeping everyone healthy. Showing love for those who are in desperate need.

This Nice on the 9th we want you to choose at least 9 people/local businesses that are struggling and BE NICE! We also want to put out hope, love, strength, resilience and positivity in Caleb's name. Post on our page and tag us in your efforts. Wait until April 9th or start working on it now!

How can you help?

IDEAS:

-If you are still getting a check (or if you have a few dollars to spare), send a "love offering" (thank you to my dear Uncle John [who left this world shortly before Caleb's arrival] for that phrase) to someone who isn't getting their regular paycheck because of the COVID-19 pandemic.

-Put together a care package for a nursing home and leave it with a staff member (be sure to sanitize anything that could still have your germs on it).

-Call/email/chat online with someone who may be lonely, having an especially difficult time, or who already struggles on normal days with their mental health. Emotions are high. Do your part to bring laughter when possible!

-Shop local business! Many are offering curbside pickup, delivery, shipping, etc!

-Getting overloaded with kids' arts and crafts projects? Pass it on to someone who would LOVE to have a child's creativity sent/delivered to them!

-Ask your healthcare providers how you can help. Sew some extra masks. Order bakery goods from those struggling shops and restaurants that have supported all your fundraising nights and have them deliver to those who are putting in long hours and risking their own health for the public.

-Volunteer for a charity who is making a difference in these uncertain times (if you have volunteer opportunities, please post here as well).

-Give to a shelter (the two or 4-legged variety). Being homeless right now is even more challenging.

-Don't take this time here for granted. We say it often but tomorrow truly is not guaranteed for any of us. We would give anything in the whole, wide world to be "stuck" at home with Caleb. Play with your kids. Really play. Put your phone down and put on your imagination. It's missed you.

-Be a light in the dark. Look at Caleb's face and see the joy his brief time here still shines through you. Caleb was only in our world 2 years, 2 months, and somewhere into his 23rd day but he lit up our whole world, even in the darkest of times. He still is if you let him.

-Be Nice on the 9th.

Comment

Comment

SUDC Awareness and Ales!

IMG_1815.JPG

Come by Fassler Hall (421 NW 10th St, Oklahoma City, OK 73103) on March 9th from 5-8pm and help us be Nice on the 9th in honor of SUDC Awareness Month!

Enjoy a German meal, write a note of thanks and take a goody bag with you to give to your favorite pediatrician or first responder!

Fassler Hall is fun for everyone and is family friendly until 8pm.

In lieu of physical items, we ask you to donate to the SUDC Foundation and note that it is in memory of Caleb Wile. https://interland3.donorperfect.net/weblink/WebLink.aspx?name=E230614&id=122

  • Causes

  • Kid Friendly

    No matter where you live it is SUDC Awareness Month! Share these with a pediatrician, first responder or post them to your social media.

https://sudc.org/Portals/0/SUDC-Awareness-Month-Poster-2020.pdf

https://sudc.org/get-involved/sudc-awareness-month

Comment

Comment

Happy Birthday Baby Bear

14_2R1A6994edit.jpg

Adam and I took time to be alone on Caleb's actual birthday but greatly appreciate all who remembered the light of our lives on his special day. It meant a lot to see the ways you are spreading The Caleb Effect.
------

Hi Baby Boy. I love you. I miss you so much.
It is incredibly overwhelming to be here on your birthday without you. You brought all the happy I ever needed on your birthday and every day of your much too brief life. There is so much I wish I could say to you and even more I would give anything to hear you share with me too. Yes, I can still talk to you and you to me but the physical conversations have been silenced. I hate that. I hate not being with you so much. I wish I could hold you with every last wish and each candle you don’t get to have on a cake I never got to make. A knife twisted so deep it pierces my soul and leaves the jagged edges sharply fanned out in every direction just under my skin. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but they lied. I don’t know how losing you hasn’t killed me but one day the tourniquets holding pressure will get to free the rest of me. One day I’ll get to come through to the other side too. One day I will have you in my arms again. One day. One day. One day.

God, I miss you.

You will always be forever two. Six is something I can’t even imagine but I wish to God I could still be living with you.

It is like going through some kind of twilight zone existing in ultra-slow motion and yet stumbling through tricks where your life here was in warp speed. I can’t believe this even happened and I also can’t believe I’m still surviving on this planet. Like we were both snatched from Earth. They took all of you but left the shell of me. My soul went with you and my heart and body are still trying to catch up.

I haven’t had as many words for a long time and with every unfinished project or one left completely undone, there is guilt. My body and brain don’t always cooperate but Baby Bear I’m doing my best.

You have now had twice as many birthdays away from us as we got to thoroughly enjoy with you. I want each of them back. I want you back. I want our old life back. I want answers that don’t exist. We have done everything in our power to distract ourselves and try our hardest to give you the avenues to shine but sometimes it feels like we’re just spinning our wheels. Maybe I should think of this more like your grandpa’s nowhere rides (Has he taken you on one yet?). Maybe we ARE going somewhere but I can’t comprehend the meaning yet as we pass by all the same places. I wish I could see the scene from where you sit in your vroom vroom now. I hope one day I get to be on the same ride and it won’t matter where we go or how many of the same wheels keep spinning. I hope one day even sooner we finally get your vroom vroom memorial here completed.

I miss you. With every cell, laughter and tear, I miss you. You made me me and I’m still searching for all the pieces you left that made you you. It is not a surprise to anyone to know that I am lost but the day I find you again in my final destination I will never let you leave home without me again. I don’t know which way to go so keep helping me, Caleb Lennon. I still need you even if you are doing just fine without me.

I love you. Always have. Always will.
Happy birthday, Baby Boy.
One day I will celebrate all of them with you again.

One day.

Love,
Mommy
XOXOXOXOXOXO

Comment

Comment

Be Nice Be SUDC Aware

076.JPG

March is SUDC Awareness Month! Week 2 is “Raising Awareness One Person at a Time Week.” Help us prepare goody bags for first responders and those in the medical community Saturday, March 9th at Firehouse Subs (5924 SW 3rd St, OKC, OK 73127) from 6-8:30pm! We will be including SUDC fact sheets but if you would like to bring small items like “vroom vrooms” (AKA Hot Wheels), rolls of Life Savers, pocket-sized hand sanitizer, hand warmers, and non-perishable snacks (or any other items you think they would appreciate), we would LOVE to see you!

As usual, if you are not in OKC, you can do something similar wherever you live! The fact sheets we are using can be found here https://sudc.org/…/Foundation%20Broch…/SUDCF1PGGENAUD19.pdf…. Caleb’s picture is on the bottom right.

We chose Firehouse Subs because a portion of every dollar is donated to grants to purchase life-saving equipment for first responders. See more here: https://www.firehousesubs.com/public-safety-foundation/

See you on Saturday to be Nice on the 9th!!

https://sudc.org/get-involved/sudc-awareness-month

#calebeffect
#niceonthe9th
sudcawareness

Comment

All I Want For Christmas Is You - Searching for 70%

All I Want For Christmas Is You - Searching for 70%

The best present we've ever been given.

The best present we've ever been given.

Mid-sentence and something that could keep up with him in each hand.

Mid-sentence and something that could keep up with him in each hand.

"Chewbacca!" I wish I could remember why you were making this face.

"Chewbacca!" I wish I could remember why you were making this face.

He loved his Duplo cars.

He loved his Duplo cars.

Opening his sock monkey from his Virginia family.


Opening his sock monkey from his Virginia family.

Lens cap bandit. This is a fun toy.

Lens cap bandit. This is a fun toy.

Look, Mom, I put it on my head just like that bow!

Look, Mom, I put it on my head just like that bow!

I probably said something like "Hey, that's my lens cap!"  But when you smiled at me like this, you could've had whatever you wanted.

I probably said something like "Hey, that's my lens cap!"
But when you smiled at me like this, you could've had whatever you wanted.

Hangin' with Uncle "Annie." — with Andy Wile.

Hangin' with Uncle "Annie." — with Andy Wile.

My pretty boy and his Papa.

My pretty boy and his Papa.

So happy to be riding in his own vroom vroom with his friends.

So happy to be riding in his own vroom vroom with his friends.

There were sound effects coming from the driver.

There were sound effects coming from the driver.

Visiting Grandma on Christmas. Caleb was too busy playing with his new "twactwo" to care one bit about taking a picture.

Visiting Grandma on Christmas. Caleb was too busy playing with his new "twactwo" to care one bit about taking a picture.

#iHeartPiedmont's Hometown Holidays which presented The Caleb Effect Foundation a check for $1200 from their t-shirt fundraiser! Thank you to everyone who made this a success!

#iHeartPiedmont's Hometown Holidays which presented The Caleb Effect Foundation a check for $1200 from their t-shirt fundraiser! Thank you to everyone who made this a success!

McCaleb Homes, a wonderful private donor, and so many of you who have sent us funds helped us buy 50 backpacks and lots of fun goodies for kids getting care through Angel's Foster Family Network. Academy Sports + Outdoors even let us borrow a friend…

McCaleb Homes, a wonderful private donor, and so many of you who have sent us funds helped us buy 50 backpacks and lots of fun goodies for kids getting care through Angel's Foster Family Network. Academy Sports + Outdoors even let us borrow a friendly personal shopper to help us. — with Kailey A Kerr, Robin Feuerborn, Angels Foster Family Network OKC and Academy Sports + Outdoors.

We had fun at our bag stuffing party! — with Robin Feuerborn and McCaleb Homes.

We had fun at our bag stuffing party! — with Robin Feuerborn and McCaleb Homes.

Each bag was stuffed according to the child's age. We hope they like them. Thank you, Willingham and Reiter, D.D.S.! — with McCaleb Homes.

Each bag was stuffed according to the child's age. We hope they like them. Thank you, Willingham and Reiter, D.D.S.! — with McCaleb Homes.

We hope each child really knows they are loved and treasured. We did this last year and discovered a pre-teen boy saved his note. Link posted below. You never know what two simple sentences could mean to someone going through a really rough time. — …

We hope each child really knows they are loved and treasured. We did this last year and discovered a pre-teen boy saved his note. Link posted below. You never know what two simple sentences could mean to someone going through a really rough time. — with McCaleb Homes.

Were you Nice on the 9th? We know some faithful volunteers who were but the photographer failed to capture some of them. Also, I'm pretty sure this beautiful couple wins the prize for spreading The Caleb Effect the farthest this 9th. Our dear friend…

Were you Nice on the 9th? We know some faithful volunteers who were but the photographer failed to capture some of them. Also, I'm pretty sure this beautiful couple wins the prize for spreading The Caleb Effect the farthest this 9th. Our dear friends, Christian and Gabrielle went to Israel and showed Caleb around!! — with Jacob

Hannah's Hope drove all the way from Perry to collect toys to share all across our state!  I also found a little elf who volunteered to take donations to The Children's Center Rehabilitation Hospital! It was SOOOOOOOOOO good to see these beautiful p…

Hannah's Hope drove all the way from Perry to collect toys to share all across our state!
I also found a little elf who volunteered to take donations to The Children's Center Rehabilitation Hospital! It was SOOOOOOOOOO good to see these beautiful people! Someone else was camera shy this month so her handwriting is tagged instead. Ha! — with Christy VanMeter Kukuk, Jeff Kukuk, Jennifer Goode Robinson and Ruby Willoughby Wile.

They make THE BEST notes!!! Thank you, Jacob Maxfield and Kissy Padron for teaching your kids how to love others so well. We love having you with us on the 9th! — with Bernie Lindo Wile.

They make THE BEST notes!!! Thank you, Jacob Maxfield and Kissy Padron for teaching your kids how to love others so well. We love having you with us on the 9th! — with Bernie Lindo Wile.

Sweetest family with some stinking adorable babies! — with Jacob Maxfield, Kissy Padron andChurch of the Servant.

Sweetest family with some stinking adorable babies! — with Jacob Maxfield, Kissy Padron andChurch of the Servant.

Caleb's YaYa, Ruby delivered some really fun toys and arts and crafts to Little Light Christian School, where kids have one or more parent incarcerated.  Our last stop was to The Children's Hospital Volunteers where Caleb was born. Since every new p…

Caleb's YaYa, Ruby delivered some really fun toys and arts and crafts to Little Light Christian School, where kids have one or more parent incarcerated.

Our last stop was to The Children's Hospital Volunteers where Caleb was born. Since every new patient gets to pick a new toy on their 1st or 961st visit, we sent them the majority of our collection. Belinda Anderson, check out the valet! I love it! Also, Sara Jacobson, someone is going to get THE most adorable note! Kissy and Jacob, this one was my favorite! — with Robin Hanes Khoury,The Children's Hospital at OU Medicine, The Children's Hospital Volunteers and Little Light Christian School.

Nailed it! Cutest elf EVER!

Nailed it! Cutest elf EVER!

Hi Baby Boy. I love you my little star.

You’ve been busy sprinkling your magic and excitement “alllllllll through the town.” I wish I could still sing your favorite songs with you even if you wanted the same ones sung over and over and over. Moments so simple and innocent that when I was in them I knew they were special yet still couldn’t fully cherish them the way I do now. I wished then that you would’ve picked another tune to change up the monotony (that’s when things stay the same), but every time we would finish, a little voice from your car seat and the kicking feet insisted, “Bus song! Bus song! Bus song!” Your baby cousin is older than you now and she knows this song too. She did the little motions last week and it made me wonder if you taught her to bring her index finger to her face just exactly the way you did, “shh, shhh, shhhhhhh, shh, shhh, shhhhhhh.” I hate that she doesn’t have you here to sing songs and pretend together just as I can’t stand that your other now older baby cousin doesn’t get to hide and play trains in your Thomas tent. I would love to hear the entertaining conversations you guys would be having inside your homemade box forts. I don’t think your youngest cousin could convince you to play babies with her but then again, I have a feeling you would’ve let her have her way. I wish you could still play with all of your cousins and be doted on by the bigger ones. I want the little ones to know you more than just in pictures and videos but we don’t have that option anymore. I hope you show up for them when no one else is looking.

This is the time of year that used to be SO fun watching your animated face take in the wonder and lights. It was a season to take extra days away from work and spend all day together in our jammies. I will never forget your last Christmas. We wanted to let you wake up in your own room and have a quiet tradition celebrating with just you, Daddy, and me. You loved seeing the new train around the tree but you didn’t want to limit it to just going around in the same circle. We took it off the track and let it run around the kitchen floor for you, but you got scared when the clanging and lights got too close. We watched you open your presents and even captured some of these moments on video. You were battling the latest daycare bug but the coughing and runny nose didn’t stop you from tearing through the paper and discovering your new, red Duplo Jeep or “Tah Wohrs” books. There were toys and puzzles put away with plans to open later but just like the Toys''R''Us gift card you never got to spend, we didn’t know the chance for “later” would never come. I hope you get all the things we were never able to give you in this life my blue-eyed boy.

Caleb, you were the cutest and most loving little elf I will ever meet. It’s like you had already talked to Santa and he whispered every last desire securely tucked inside every heart. You knew how to make a soul overflow with joy and I will always wonder how you did it. December 25th will come and go, but Christmas will never be Christmas without you. I know the holiday is not just about decorations and presents but we can’t help aching with every little experience we are missing since you were stolen away from us. It hurts so much that we don’t get to buy you the things you love and it still feels like a horrible, completely unfair nightmare where we wake up gasping for air. I know life is ticking by but it’s almost like watching myself from above sometimes. It’s like a very prolonged out of body experience but maybe that’s because I really am already with you. Even so, the self that still exists in this dimension desperately wants to buy you cargo loads of every kind of vroom vroom and read you all kinds of new stories. I would make sure to make up the best voices for each character and read them as many times as you wanted.

We weren’t finished doing all the things we had planned. I was taking notes on all the things I never knew were a common part of family festivities and had so many ideas waiting for December. Daddy and I were trying to ensure you really DID have the kind of peaceful celebration that a baby born in a manger brought so long ago. We were creating traditions we hoped you would love enough to carry on even after we went to live in the twinkle of your own holiday lights. I wish by some Christmas miracle you could come back even if it was just for one night. We would drive to the nearest snowy hill and get to use the bright, yellow sled we bought for you at a summer garage sale. We took it to White Sands National Monument and sent your vroom vrooms on the maiden voyage for you but it is still not the same. There is nothing I wanted to do more on your next Christmas than to ride the Polar Express as a family in our matching pajamas. Mommy has never made a gingerbread house and I was waiting to get to make our first, colorful one together. We would’ve made our own designs mixing what came in the kit and adding in a mess of frosting, brownie bites and maybe even some marshmallows.

We dreamed of so many hopes and futures but there are too many moments that never came to be. You had moved up to a new class and were finally going to be old enough to go to the chapel and sing. Daddy and I couldn’t wait to watch you cheese it up at a holiday program and have the whole audience cracking up at your expressions. My little ham, you would’ve been so proud of yourself and stolen the whole show.

You are still stealing the show down here whether on tv or center stage. It’s very “you” and I’m grateful for this way of sharing my little boy. However, it’s not at all in the way I wish the world could see you. I wish I could let everyone experience one of your tight hugs and pats on the back, or watch you stare a thousand full-grown deliberations into the wheels of your plastic airplane. I know I am the luckiest one in the world to have earned your affections and to have tickled my eyelashes across your laughter-filled, baby face. I was so proud to be your mommy and be the one to kiss your perfect, miniature lips more times than anyone else. All the words in the dictionary are not enough to describe how special you are, how much you are loved, or how deeply you are missed. I will die trying, but I will never be able to convey everything you will always be onto a card or quick sound bite. It makes Mommy and Daddy so sad to only be allowed our limited human constraints to sum up your superhuman, infinitely loving and treasured life. Not even showing videos and talking about you non-stop for the rest of our lives could accomplish that. Still, I hope people can still see you through us and somehow you reach them even if they never know it was you.

Baby Boy, your Velcro, size 5 shoes that you haven’t worn in far too long are still here, but the tiny space your feet left remain a colossal hole I will never be able to fill. No, I can’t buy you the most amazing vroom vroom you’ve ever seen but Mommy and Daddy ARE still working on a project that we hope comes close. If everything works out, 2019 will see the creation of our final family pit stop on this planet. However, just like your personality, Mommy’s ideas were brighter than what exists in this limited Earthly world. We’ve literally searched the globe to give you this one last present and we finally found an element that fulfills my biggest request (even if it IS on a mere technicality). We’re doing our best to finish our stint but we need you to help us get it just right.

You’ve been getting it right all week but Mommy hasn’t had time to tell you about it.

Mommy’s home town raised money through the #iHeartPiedmont Hometown Holidays charity tees in memory of you and two other beautiful boys. I have to believe you greeted your new playmates when they arrived and you are taking turns sharing all your favorites from this world. Rhett loved “moos,” Mason adored dinosaurs, and you typically had at least one vroom vroom in each hand. Joyce Mills Leach and her hype girls made sure Santa remembered each of your special toys on his trip to visit you from the North Pole, and some friends not much bigger than you had a ball handing out your beloved vroom vrooms to help warm the frigid air. Is it just me or is it a little ironic that AllStar Screen Printing was the generous designer and t-shirt printer, donating a majority of the costs in memory of three all stars? Because of their kindness, and the help of several sponsors (including your uncle, Lindo Paul Construction), Piedmont Public School Education Foundation and The Caleb Effect Foundation both received checks for $1200! We already have ideas brewing for a future 9th but we are thinking it will have to wait until the weather is a little warmer. Thank you!

You also had a lot of love sent last week from McCaleb Homes, a very special couple, and your Caleb Effect crew. Together, we bought 50 backpacks for kids who have to leave their house and their families (many times without time to bring what they need) and live in the care of a foster family. This is the second year we have been able to send this gift to some kids who deserve a heaping dose of kindness. We tried to put things in the bags that would make them feel the love we know you are still sending. Everyone got a backpack (thank you, Academy Sports + Outdoors for being patient and lending us a personal shopping assistant); hand-written note; shampoo and conditioner; a toothbrush and toothpaste (thank you, Willingham and Reiter, D.D.S.); a book; crayons or pencils to write or draw their feelings; a journal or notepad; toys or vroom vrooms; a stuffed animal or stress reliever; and a few things to take their minds off going to sleep in a place that isn’t familiar. We got to deliver these bags directly to Angels Foster Family Network OKC and meet Jennifer Abney and her team. They are making a big difference so it is my hope that your video sends many more helpers their way. Make everything in the bags come together to ease their young minds and let them know that so many people care about them.

The weather played a practical joke on us for the 9th, but we still had a few faithful make it to be nice. Your friends and family brought a sock monkey, board games, dinosaurs, books, and so many fun toys to give to kids. Mr. Donald Jay Cole with Church of the Servant made sure you could be seen from a prominent spot and just as he suspected, you did attract a few curious concert attendees who wanted to know more about the cheerful boy clapping for himself in the picture. We gave away the last of the presents from your friend’s 1st birthday, and also emptied every donation we had been saving from Dollar General and Family Dollar. At the end of the week, we sent or delivered toys to six different groups! The Children’s Hospital Volunteers; Little Light Christian School (for kids who have mommies and daddies who are away in prison); Noble County DHS Christmas Store; Northwest Toys for Tots; The Children’s Center Rehabilitation Hospital (thank you for the bear hug and for collecting the toys, Jennifer Goode Robinson); and The Ronald McDonald House at Children’s Hospital were our lucky recipients! We also got to make a special video to drop off toys to the hospital where you were born. We got to see Mommy’s friends, Sara Jacobson and Belinda Anderson, who have been there since Mommy was a volunteer. They make sure all the kids who have to stay in the hospital get to pick a fun gift from the toy cart. It is still hard to visit the place where you were born so Skyler and her therapy dog, "Targa,” came through at just the right time to make sure Mommy was okay.

Caleb Baby, even spreading all your love and cheer far and wide, there is simply not a way to ever be as happy as we were when you were in our arms. With you, no matter what we had been through before, we had it all. When describing this to a new friend who we met through our connection with the SUDC Foundation, Julia and Wade agreed. Their daughter, Vivienne, left this life without a reason or warning as well. He and Julia know that the happiest days of life really are behind us but they are still choosing Vivienne's Joy (Vivienne's Joy Foundation) for themselves, their surviving daughter, and for Vivie. It was so good to meet others who didn’t try to paint a serene fantasy overtone and dismiss our daily struggles. Wade explained that while we will never get back to our 100% level of happiness when our families were whole, maybe we can strive for a new high with a few 70% moments sprinkled in next to the 5% ones. I’m guessing some of the kids who will receive one of your presents will never get back to 100% either. In fact, maybe they never had a quality of life that brought them anywhere close. Whatever kind of day we are asked to face, please keep helping us have some double-digit days until we get to make it to our checkered flags too.

Caleb, my beautiful boy, and Santa’s happiest helper. Wherever you are with the jolly, ol’ St. Nick, may the secrets you so instinctively knew be whispered in my ears tonight too. Even when we are struggling to make it to a measurable number even after coffee and candy canes, help me share your love you still beam down to all of us at 100%. We don’t have a stitch of decoration hanging in our house, but I hope by sending surprises to other kids it brings the true Christmas spirit you deserve.

All I want for Christmas is you.

I love you, Caleb Lennon.

One day.

Love,
Mommy
XOXOXOXOX

Angels Foster Family Network OKC
The Children's Center Rehabilitation Hospital
The Children's Hospital Volunteers
Little Light Christian School
Oklahoma Department of Human Services
Marine Toys for Tots Foundation
Ronald McDonald House Charities of Oklahoma City

A special thank you to Hannah’s Toy Boxes of Hope for driving so far to collect and distribute toys. You truly are bringing hope to so many who still need Hannah’s special touch.

#calebeffect
#niceonthe9th
#shopping
#fostercare
#backpacks
#toys
#holidaysinthehospital
#rehabilitation
#hannahshope
#toysfortots
#santa
#therapydogs
#newfriends
#childloss
#grief
#sudc
#sudcawareness
#lifeafterloss
#christmas
#shatteredheart
#helpabovehurt
#theelveshavebeenbusy
#heresto70percent
#beautifulboy
#loveisforever
#alliwantforchristmasisyou
#oneday