This is a good article that most parents going through this hell will be able to relate.
I know I am one of the fortunate ones that has the best friends I could ever deserve, but I have also had my fair share of people who have gone out of their way to avoid me. I am not contagious. I'm sorry I'm not the same person I was before losing Caleb, but you will never catch the depth of agony you may see in my eyes just by walking past me and waving.
Thankfully, some of you have been there for the ugly cries when snot and tears run together and Kleenex is out of reach. There are still more who have literally picked me up off the ground (or trampoline, couch, bed, floor, church pew) and held me until I had enough strength to stand on my own. A sacred few of you even knew that if my door was closed at work, that didn't mean I was on a call, but rather that I was struggling to keep it all together and perform all the demanding duties far outside my title. There are those special people who know there is nothing they can say to fix this for Ken Toey and me, so instead you let your hugs say everything that feeble words cannot.
I try to keep in mind that most people have positive intentions when they say some of the phrases mentioned in the article or the one I hear most, "at least you're young and can have more kids." I don't say much in response, but I've been tempted many times. "Oh, you are right. Except that you're not! Also, FYI, I'm probably older than you think, am really messed up from trauma/grief, and don't sleep, but I'm sure having another child will fix everything. Your kids are interchangeable, right?"
Alas, a forever 2-year-old's voice in my head is ever present, overwhelmingly powerful, and reminds me to "be nice."
Even though I know many people have told me to let them know what they can do to help, I am not the type to ask, especially when I need it the most. If you know someone facing their worst nightmare, do something in their child's honor, talk about your favorite memories with them, and don't forget to show up with unlimited hugs.
