Thank you for the love and don’t forget to listen…
Viewing entries in
2023
“Hello, how are you?”
We can’t even believe what happened while we were in Las Vegas this weekend, however, there is video evidence that it was not in fact, “only just a dream.”
We chose a stretch of time our dear friends were also there honoring their brother. It was the first one to cruelly arrive without his physical presence and Vegas holds special significance.
To say emotions (and temperature) were running high is an understatement.
We must admit, we flew to Las Vegas to see Ed Sheeran and were devastated to be in our Uber about to be dropped off when police came screeching toward us announcing the show had been cancelled. If you know us, you know lady luck has an extensive history of not being on our side. I spent exactly one dollar gambling while we were there, however, we hit the lottery with the rest of the night.
Rewinding the tape a bit, I knew Adele was in town and I absolutely LOVE her! I had just played and sang her version of “To Make You Feel My Love” on my guitar the weekend before. I know she sang it for her friend Amy Winehouse, but I think of Caleb every time. Those of you who know me also know I come from a giant family and my spending habits sometimes still resemble those from the Great Depression. These same friends had seen Adele the night before and came back beaming. “It was amazing! She’s beautiful! It was worth every last cent.” The wheels were spinning faster than the tires of our Uber racing back to the strip. Maybe, just maybe, we could still go.
We sprinted across the bridge and arrived to Caesars Palace only to quickly realize tickets were going to be impossible. We refreshed our Ticketmaster app non-stop as it was the same one the staff at the counter were using as well. They told us we had a 1% chance but it felt more like zero. All of the guests to Adele’s ball had arrived and were posing excitedly in front of her picture. As the minutes ticked by, I had given up. This was just going to be another punch to the gut in the series of hard knocks. I’ve learned to pivot but my heel has more bruises and it’s getting harder to walk. This was our last night in Las Vegas and I didn’t want to leave like this. I just couldn’t.
Those of you new to the Foundation may not know this but we give away something that captivated many hours of Caleb’s attention while he was still here. He called them “vroom vrooms” (Hot Wheels) and he loved watching the wheels on these miniature metal machines turn as they rolled across the floor, table and even the most tolerant cat who thought he was a German Shepherd like his big sister. We give these to unsuspecting parents everywhere we go and I happened to have one such toy in my bag left. If I could share Caleb in another rotten moment, that’s what I was supposed to do. Before we turned to leave, I handed it to the sweet gentleman (you know who you are) that had given our friend ticket information the day before. I just told him to give it to the next little kid that came to the counter. I was too upset and just needed to go. I couldn’t spend that kind of money on myself even if a ticket came up anyway. Before we left, the kind soul behind the counter told us one ticket had just been released for purchase. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Adam never hesitated to let me be the one to go. He told me he would go explore “Paris” while I was in the show. Exactly 12 minutes before the queen took her place on the end of the piano bench, my ticket appeared on the screen of my phone. I certainly didn’t look like the rest of the audience with their perfectly styled hair and sparkling eyeshadow ready for the red carpet. However, despite the mascara and hairspray that had wilted down with my hopes, I was going to see Adele!
I couldn’t imagine what would happen during this show because I couldn’t even give myself permission to buy a ticket. Like my favorite comedian, Anjelah Johnson-Reyes’ book says “Who Do I Think I Am?”
Adele was everything. She was beautiful and hilarious just the way I’d seen her on TV. She gave us fair warning asking us “Are you ready to go on an emotional journey with me tonight? Cause I’m going to drag you through your emotional dirt. I’m going to break you. I’m going to make you laugh while you’re doing it.” Damn. I couldn’t have written a more accurate description.
Thank you, Adele for your empathy and compassion. It is something we will remember forever. I’m still in a state of shock and gratitude. After losing your only child, it is difficult to feel like a mother. In addition to giving me a huge hug, thank you from the bottom of my heart for dedicating “Rolling in the Deep” to “Caleb’s mummy.” I had to ask the woman sitting beside me if that’s what Adele really said. Adele, you may never truly know what it means to hear this or to receive that much genuine kindness and motherly outpouring of support. I am not someone who typically shows emotion in public but you were right. The emotional journey was overwhelming in the best kind of way. You also told us “I promise we are going to have a really fun, good, sad time.” Mission accomplished. Thank you.
The song says “but if by chance you’re here alone.” I WAS there by myself but I know I’m never truly ever alone. Caleb is larger than the life we live on this planet. I will continue taking him everywhere I go, both with his picture as well as his little red truck vroom vroom that was in my purse when we lost him. He is a forever piece of me and I of him. As my message to him at his service said he is “my gift, my light, my treasure.” I didn’t win any money this weekend but Adele herself got an introduction to the wisest human I’ve ever met. On the 9th and everything (https://thecalebeffect.org/kindness). Maybe luck has nothing to do with it after all.
“Can I have a moment, before I go?” Yes, yes, you can and you did, and I will never be the same. You gave Caleb a moment and so much more. “When We Were Young” we didn’t know of all the purest love with radiant blue eyes and an infectious smile. We didn’t know how happy he could make us just by jumping on our backs and pretending to fly across the living room. We didn’t know of this thing called SUDC (https://sudc.org) that still hasn’t been researched enough to provide a way to predict or prevent it’s horror. We could never imagine the pain of waking up to a world without our son’s physical presence.
Still, there is one thing that not even “that” day can steal. Caleb left the world more love than we probably deserve. He gave us a master class in connecting with people and loving them exactly as they are intended to be loved. Many have asked what I gave Adele. The card I gave her has his picture and says “Caleb smiled with his whole face & loved unconditionally with his whole heart. He never knew a stranger & gave love freely to everyone he met. Caleb is still making the world a better place. Embrace Caleb’s effect in your own life: Do something kind for someone else today. Say “I love you” & mean it. Forgive. Don’t wait #calebeffect
Borrowed from Heaven 2/9/14
Returned 5/2/16
The Caleb Effect
https://thecalebeffect.org
If you’ve made it to the end, I hope you feel Caleb’s love too.
(Sorry in advance for the camera angle! I was trying to keep a battery pack connected as well as see Adele through my own eyes instead of through my phone.)
